Pizza Implosion

Consider this part deux of the Tim Horton's blog post. I like to call this saga "The Boulevard of Broken Dreams."

There's something I hate almost as much as never winning free doughnuts.

It's a youth group "pizza blast."

How do you spot a pizza blast? Look for tell tale signs including: neon fliers made on Microsoft Word, fog machines, strobe lights, traffic signs hanging on the wall, Third Day playing in the background, and a 30 something youth pastor wearing dad jeans.

Don't get me wrong- I have nothing against dad jeans. And one of my youth pastors once told me that Heaven would smell like fog machines. I still use Microsoft Office to create most of my church documents.

My qualm is with the pizza.

More so the lack thereof.

Why is there NEVER enough pizza at a "pizza blast?" To me, a pizza blast sounds like what happens when a Pizza delivery truck gets in an accident with a Dr. Pepper truck on the road right in front of the church. The pizza delivery guy gets out (shaken, but otherwise unharmed) and wonders "what am I gonna do with all this pizza now?"

Hey! We've got a bunch of teenagers with voracious appetites just inside! We'll eat your pizza! It's a pizza blast!!

But instead I get a greasy corner slice that's more crust than anything. One slice. My four year old eats more pizza than this (ok. We all know I didn't have a four year old in high school. just go with it.)

My crappy dollar store paper plate is so flimsy that it bows under the weight of one measly slice of pizza. Good thing they didn't give us more.

Now, I'm ok with the lack of pizzaness. Really, I am. Just forewarn me. Then I'll come up with my own provisions since I have ample planning time. Don't call it a "blast." Maybe use words like snack. appetizer. teaser. tidbit. Or "you'll get more food by perusing the samples at Costco."

Here's some ways I've seen the head honchos try to cover up the pizza blast scandal.

1. Attention Diversion
Does your pizza blast promise great music? games? perhaps bounce houses? sumo wrestling suits? They're spreading the budget around. Trying to distract you from the minimal amount of pizza available. My guess is you're going to be starving. On the positive side, they'll probably have lots of bottled water available for 5 bucks a pop. Fill your purse up with protein bars, fritos, and crystal light packets.

2. Lock-in Lock Down.
Yeah, we actually don't have very much pizza. What are you gonna do about it? You're locked in all night. Suck it up princess. It's gonna be a long ride. Did we mention that we want you to bowl and ice skate on an empty stomach? That's right. We're going to pass right by a Taco Bell on the way to the bowling alley and we're not even going to stop.

3. The Abundant Pizza... that you don't want to eat.
Finally! Tons of pizza! Boxes and boxes! They're stacked on top of each other because there's not enough room on the table for all of them otherwise. Oh.. it's from that one place in town. The one that no one ever goes to unless they're desperate. or broke. The one that uses ketchup instead of pizza sauce. I swear they use Kraft singles instead of real cheese. Their crust tastes like burnt Bisquick. Dang.

All Most Some kidding aside, I like to give other people a hard time for lack of follow through, but it's probably one of my biggest flaws that I deal with. Mind you, if I'm hosting a pizza blast, there is GOING to be pizza. And Dr. Pepper. Just keeping it real.

But I do find myself promising a lot of things that I don't have the ability to follow through on. Tim Horton's better start handing out some prizes. Pizza blasts better start respecting the honor of having the word "blast" in their title. And I've got to start backing up my words, too.

If I say I'm going to do something, I've got to start doing it.

It's integrity.

And it's essential.

Anyone else struggling with this? Leave me a comment and we can commiserate/brainstorm together. :)

I'll bring the pizza.