Lessons in Sewing

A couple of months ago I realized that I had something missing from my life. There was a little sewing machine-sized hole that I've been needing to fill. I don't know what compelled me to finally learn to sew. Maybe it's the two sewing machines that have been graciously given to me: one sitting in a closet, the other holding up a microwave (it's one of those nifty desk-sewing machines. I know. It's a desk. And a sewing machine. How am I NOT using this properly in either function? In my defense it's missing the foot pedal.)both helping me reach an all new expert level in dust collecting.

You may think it's a way to save money. You would be wrong. I almost needed cardiopulmonary resuscitation after seeing the prices of plain old cotton at the fabric store. I do always have this thought in the back of my head that I will excel at whatever I am learning and will eventually turn a profit. Like with tutus. And hair bows. I'm still getting past the I-still-stink-at-this stage. We'll see.

Perhaps it's because I needed more tedious challenges in my life. New avenues to produce fresh frustration. A sewing machine is built to guarantee annoyance. There's fourteen booby traps my thread has to go through before it reaches the needle. And that's not including the bobbin. What's a bobbin, you ask? Ignorance is bliss, my friend.

There are two reasons I like sewing.

One, my sewing machine smells like an old battleship. Grease, metal, and history, baby.

Reminds me of my childhood.

When I take a deep breath of those fumes, I'm transported back to the U.S.S. Texas, floating placidly in the Houston Ship Channel. I would spend the day with my family exploring the battlegrounds where Texas won her independence, checking out tombstones from the 1800's, and covering every inch of the old beauty herself that fought in World War II. We'd go from the boiler rooms at the bottom of the ship to the highest points we were allowed. My dad even performed a wedding on that ship. And that's what my sewing machine smells like. A wedding on a battleship.

The biggest reason(and the real reason, although I have to admit that battleship one is pretty good too) I sew is my mom.

My parents aren't completely perfect, but they're pretty awesome. There's a lot of things I remember about my mom that I want to emulate for my kids' benefit.

She worked really hard. Still does. I remember when I would run up and give her a big hug and she smelled faintly of bleach. And sunshine.

She let us have our imagination. She never got mad when we broke chalkboards sledding down stairs (another story for another day) or cut all of the hair off our Barbies because we needed boys.

She let me plant my own garden. Let me pick out the ugliest shade of pink you ever saw to paint my bedroom. She let me wear crazy combinations of clothes (ok, that one was mostly my dad, I think).

She didn't kill me when I cut off half of hair in a gum-chewing-then-falling-asleep incident. She let me play all kinds of crazy games with the phone cord while she was on a call even though I'm pretty sure it drove her crazy.

She never told me that little girls my age didn't sing. Couldn't preach. Didn't write. Neither of my parents did. They never told me to shut up when I belted out random nonsense in my best operatic voice from our balcony. Instead, they encouraged me.

When I wanted curly hair, she'd let me get a perm. After perm. Because my hair refused to be curly. But I wouldn't give up. So she wouldn't either.

She held my hand when I cut my knee open and had to get stitches, even if she had to run to the bathroom once because it was too gross.

She picked me up from school the day I broke my arm and kept me calm by telling me stories from her childhood while we drove to the hospital. Then, she would tie a big garbage bag around my cast every day for weeks so I could have a shower.

And my mom sewed.

She sewed the matching dresses my sister and I wore one Christmas. One time we had a special dress up day for school, so my mom made me a cheerleader outfit. With pom poms. I always wanted a cheerleader costume.

When I was a teenager, she took me to the fabric store and let me pick out the dress I wanted for our 8th grade banquet. She worked so hard making that dress perfect right down to the rhinestone trim. I felt like a princess.

My mom came to visit right before I had Ainsley. She sat in my kitchen and sewed curtains for my little girl's bedroom.

And I realized how amazing my mom is.

And how hard I've been on her.

And how much I want to be like her.

And how I've probably never told her that.

So, I learn to sew. Then I call my mom and tell her all about it. Because I've always wanted her to teach me to sew, but I was too impatient with her and had too much attitude to learn anything from her.

But slowly, I will make it right.

Because I love my mom. And I am immeasurably grateful for her.

And I just wanted her to know.