Atmosphere

Apparently in my case sickness is not inspiring.

I like to make light of the craziness that is my life on occasion, but this most recent assailment against me is too fresh to find amusing.

I've been sick. Sick. Sick. Sick.

I've been sick enough to have a fever for a week. To feel like Chuck Norris just completed a roundhouse kick to my sternum and whistled for his pack of monkeys (In my imagination Chuck has a pack of monkeys to do his finishing work for him) to take turns jumping on my bruised chest while I'm pinned to the ground by Jimmy Trivette. Yet well enough to not be sick enough to lie in bed while I am nursed back to health.

During this week of obvious mom-suckdom, I've managed to let Ainsley (my 8 month old baby) stick her hand in a toilet full of Aidan's pee. That kid will just not flush a toilet. I've let Aidan get burned by an iron, Ainsley ended up with a mysterious gash across her hand and pushed a glass on the floor which splintered into a million pieces, and I've burned approximately 7 grilled cheese sandwiches.

Oh, and I can't leave out that I had a panic attack right in the middle of worship on Sunday (note the dedication level) because I couldn't remember putting half of the songs in Powerpoint.

I sewed the pants together backwards on the outfit I'm making for Ainsley.

I didn't take a shower most days.

And this is just the stuff I'm willing to admit on the internet.

And I didn't write. Why? Because life can be uninspiring. I'm not one who goes through life saying "impress me," but the past week has been more than uninspiring. It's been anti-inspiring.

But that's what life is sometimes, isn't it? It's bad enough when you have no encouragement being poured into you. But when something comes to snatch away what little you have?

If I'm being completely honest, I have to admit the past few months have been hard. Even before I got sick. Really hard. I've been a pastor's kid most of my life, but even being exposed to it didn't fully prepare me to deal with some of the trials of pastoring. It's different when it's your mission to fail instead of your parents'.

There were times in the past few months where I felt pretty discouraged. I know Trevor did, too. I wondered how many peoples' lives we were going to screw up before we finally figured out what we were doing. I wondered if the church would have been better off closing its doors instead of bringing us in.

Talk about anti-inspiring.

Trevor and I were so afraid of failure that we built walls up around us, stuck our fingers in our ears and yelled "lalala!" (you should try this. It works wonders. Especially if you have loud kids. or church members. I kid.)

Something wasn't right and we couldn't put our fingers on it. How frustrating! How disheartening. What did we do to screw this up? What did we say to hurt people?

We had nothing to lose, so we became honest. We sought reconciliation. At all cost. Doesn't matter who was right. Turns out none of us was.

We reconnected with our vision. With our purpose.

We realigned ourselves with the Father. Figured out how we fit in HIS plan instead of ours.

Something cool happened.

Relationships were healed.

Ours with God. Ours with others. Others with others.

And the atmosphere changed.

Instead of a vortex of despair, sucking away all of our hopes and dreams, we are surrounded by a feeling of inspiration. Anticipation. Excitement.

Everyone feels it. The air is charged. It's time for something new.

You're going to get through this. The fever will break. The aches and pains will diminish. And hope will be born again. If you're open to the answer. It's like going to the Doctor and then refusing to take your prescription. Be faithful to what He tells you to do. Follow His words.

It's time for healing. It's time for reawakening.

But now, O Israel, the LORD who created you says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine

When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

For I am about to do a brand-new thing. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness for my people to come home. I will create rivers for them in the desert!

Isaiah 43:1-3a, 19