When I first started working at my first (and only, unless you count Wal-Mart) corporate job, I started at the bottom of the food chain. Basically I got hired because I could type fast, and the supervisor who interviewed me was a Christian and I impressed him with my Contemporary Christian Music prowess. I should be a DJ. That's my dream job. I can play "name that tune" with any Michael W Smith song. I took a chance when I expressed my distaste for Brian Doerksen, but he still took the bait and hired me. So, I walked into my office (a small room crammed with desks occupied by 9 women and a poor schmuck named Dave. He got out of there the first chance he had.)and was handed a stack of files about three feet tall. I was told to scan the papers in all of the files with this terminator-type super-speed scanner of the future. Ok, I can do that.
Scanning gets old really fast. Like, really. fast. So, I pretended that I was at the world scanning championships. Only by beating the previous world record (which was set by me, of course) would I defeat my other scanning foes. Scanner jams were the charlie horse equivalent. Man down! But I would quickly recover from any setback because I was in it to win it.
Yes, I really am that crazy. But I love the excitement that comes with the unknown. And, I lack follow through.
It started when I was a wee child. Actually, I don't think I was ever wee. I remember like it was yesterday: my awesome permed hair(the school secretary said I looked like Shirley Temple, but looking back at pictures it looked like I was aspiring to be a female trucker when I grew up), my white turtleneck with the pink polka dots, my neon-flowered stirrup pants, my awesome fanny pack... living life to the fullest. Then my mom would tell me to go clean my room.
I hated cleaning my room. And my mom was a bit crazy about cleaning. I know you're reading this, Mom. You were. Just a little bit. And I know what you're thinking right now. "I only wanted it done right." I'm right, aren't I? You are thinking that! In my mom's defense, I can't imagine putting up with me as a child.I was a flighty, messy, klutzy kid who was always imagining that I was a settler living on the harsh prairies or a famous figure skater, or I was doing something crazy like cutting the hair off of Barbies so I could have a guy Barbie to play with. And my room? A disaster.
So, mom would threaten to use a rake to gather all of my things off the floor and throw them in the garbage. So I would go in there all gung ho and I would start cleaning. Then I would find something interesting to play with. Then my mom would come check on me again and I'd start cleaning again. Then I'd lay on the floor and start "cleaning under my bed." I would realize how comfortable it was laying on the floor, half under my bed. I would start getting a little drowsy. Then, I'd wake up and it would be dark outside. Dang it. I was supposed to be cleaning my room. Oh well! That rake idea doesn't sound half bad.
This is the main reason I started writing this blog. I know I'm supposed to have it all together, but I don't. Not even close. I've been struggling with consistency in various aspects of my life. I realized that first I had to have consistency in my relationship with God. So, I thought, maybe if I write a blog and other people read it, I will feel compelled to continue writing devotions on a daily basis. And, it'll be the funniest, most insightful blog anyone has ever written! There I go again.
I think the most important realization I've made is that I keep trying to change myself on my own. I get so frustrated with my inadequacies. And I've got a lot of them. That, coupled with being home constantly with my darling four year old who is constantly showing me different ways to apply grace, mercy, and patience in my life adds up to a whole lot of frustration. At the end of the day I realize I'm left with no change and a lot of frustration.
Going back to the scriptures I've used in previous posts, I've realized that I was living according to my own instincts instead of living according to the Holy Spirit at work within me. I haven't been living in the power of the Holy Spirit. I've been living in my weakness.
But you, dear friends, must continue to build your lives on the foundation of your holy faith. And continue to pray as you are directed by the Holy Spirit.
Jude 1:20
I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will give you mighty inner strength through his Holy Spirit... May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.
Ephesians 3:16,19&20)
What? That HE is able to accomplish? In our works driven society, we're talking about what God accomplishes through us? Not only can He accomplish more through us than we can on our own, he accomplishes more than we would even dare to ask or hope for! This is major. What are we allowing God to accomplish through us? We need to quit focusing on ourselves. This twisted form of pride is spoiling the fruit of God working on us. We need to embrace the Holy Spirit in our lives. We need to allow Him to take over. Let God accomplish His work in you!
I'm praying that he will help me to grow in maturity that I may, through the power of His Holy Spirit have consistency and integrity throughout the different areas of my life.
Oh, and He always finishes what He starts. :)
And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on that day when Christ Jesus comes back again.
Philippians 1:6
Be Blessed, and I'll see you tomorrow.
A Visit to Santa-
No comments:
Post a Comment